You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
