I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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