I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
