I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
