this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she smelled like a LAN party
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
