if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
