I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
