So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
