Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
