that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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