if you like me you must not know who I am
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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