I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
