so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
