she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
