i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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