this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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