can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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