just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
