I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
