Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
