Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
