he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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