Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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