I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
