I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
oh god was she eating orange peels again
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The power of my boobs compel you
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
