Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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