I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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