I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
