I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
