I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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