Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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