nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He did a backflip because drugs
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