I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
