You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
