Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
