I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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