Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
