its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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