so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
