I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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