dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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