Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
