That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
