I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
