Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A+ Viking dick
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