Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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