he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
