we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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