already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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