I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she was so not down for the gang bang
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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