I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
